For a long time, I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I’ve always valued relationships with people and I feel like I’m a great friend. I’m always putting other people’s needs above my own, I’m a giver, I’m a listener, and I’m understanding. However, despite all of those qualities, a lot of my relationships have failed. I thought maybe it was me, maybe I’m broken. It never occurred to me that other people could be more broken than me.
I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to sleep on anger and if I feel there is an issue with someone, I like to confront it and face it head on. I like to discuss things rationally and try to look at a situation from all angles. Losing people and friendships really takes a toll on me because I do care so much.
However, I’ve learned that the kinder and purer you are, most likely, the more the more naive you are also. There’s a quote I found that goes something like this “sometimes we expect more from people because we’d be willing to do much more for them”. I think that because the world is so ugly nowadays, people are very hesitant to believe that there could be anyone who is genuine anymore. However, even though I know that the world has become such a dark place, I’m always way too willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. I give people way too many chances because I don’t want to believe that they aren’t genuine. I think that this confliction is what makes me the perfect candidate for a convenience friend.
When people notice that no matter how awful they treat you, you will still be there- that’s when they realize that they can use you. I’m learning how to let go of toxic people and not feel guilty about it. I guess I find it hard to forget all of the positive things about those people. However, I know that I need to do what’s best for me because I’ve been putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own for too long.